Through It All

"This mountain that's in front of me, will be thrown into the midst of the sea," I sing along to the worship song I had on repeat for the last half hour. I continued to sing It Is Well by Bethel Music over and over, as it washed words of truth and peace deep into my soul. "So let go my soul, and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name," I sang as I heard the rain begin to pound on the carport outside my window. The sound takes me back to my room in Africa. Our outdoor kitchen had a tin roof, and when it rained, the sound thundered through my room. I ran to look out into the storm which happened as I sang. My face now drenched in tears, as I witnessed the sun beaming through the pouring rain. "Through it all, through it all my eyes are on you. Through it all, through it all it is well with me" my song continued. "It is well. No matter where I am. It is well because my God will get me through it all." I spoke these words to myself, but I know they are from my Savior.
Lately, I have felt stuck. I am finally hit by that heart wrenching feeling of leaving the mission field. Sure, it is six months late, but such is the story of my life! I wrote this in a recent journal entry about being called to missions, "I know this is the plan God has for me. He created me to give my life away -- to step beyond anything I have ever known to serve Him. Being away from that life is so difficult. I am trying to be patient and rely on Him, but it is becoming harder and harder every day. I pray so hard He will give me my next steps or the patience to endure, but at the end of most days, I fail that task." Every day I continue to truck along with a smile on my face because I know what God called me to,  but so many days I feel like I am just wasting my time by doing nothing to get myself back to Africa. That burden has begun to get heavy, and I do not know how much longer I can carry it.
I was able to meet with a professor and dear friend of mine -- both completely mission minded people, and both spent time in Africa. Together, we were able to talk through some of the battles we go through when we are Stateside, but our hearts are somewhere else. He encouraged me not to give in to the feelings of rushing back into the mission field. As we talked, my burden seemed lighter. God sends so many wonderful people into our lives to speak right to our hearts. I know God placed me in Boise for this season in my life. He is teaching me much about myself, about the field I want to go into, and an even greater amount about Himself. I cannot rush this time because it is so vital to becoming who I am as a missionary. I have spent the past six months resting emotionally and spiritually. I came home beaten down, and now it is time to discover what God taught me through the exhaustion I experienced throughout last year, and I am still growing from such an experience.
Nothing about my life is different as I type these words. Soon, I will fall into bed so I can wake up nice and early for work. I will go pull some pranks and make coworkers laugh, as we embrace the day. I will still be in Boise. I will feel no closer to making the permanent move to the mission field. Yet, I know with each day lived, I am closer. I know I have people in my life who help me see I am where He wants me for such a time as this. I know my time will come, and with such a reality, my heart is lighter.
As the rain stops and the birds begin to chirp once more, I thank God for walking alongside me. He spoke through His people. I turn off my music, but continue to sing such a truth filled chorus, "Through it all, through it all my eyes are on you. Through it all through it all it is well with me."