I stood with my church family, as we sang praises to our King. Yet, I struggled through the song. My heart was troubled as I thought of the song I blared through my speakers on my way to church. As I jammed, the words resonated deeply with my attitude for the past few weeks. The chorus simply says, "you wait so long" (over and over). Oh, how I feel I have waited so long for a promise from God to become a reality -- the promise that He will use me as a full time missionary. Now, I am so close to fulfilling this reality, I feel I could reach out and touch it. But I still have this giant, named Finances, blocking my way. My financial deadline is a number of days away, and I feel he is too great to overcome. Listening to a song about the frustrations of waiting, my heart felt an odd sense of comfort.
But with my family, we sang a song completely opposite of the song that brought me comfort. I could not bring myself to sing the words, "I don't mind waiting on you, Lord". Instead of singing along (in English! What a treat for me), I held a bit of a temper tantrum with Jesus, "Oh yes I do mind waiting!!" I sassed my sassiest to the One who created it all, "I have waited longer than I can take! I have done all I can think of, trying to get all my funds together in order to bring the gospel to the Karimojong! Would you mind explaining to me WHY I should have to wait LONGER?! Forget about me, why is that fair to the people I am going to minister to? Why can't we sing that (very secular, not Jesus) song that brought me the comfort??!" ... I am so thankful Jesus is patient through my frustrations, allowing me to throw my tantrums and waits for me to come back to my senses.
After worship, I assisted in the herding of twenty plus kiddos upstairs for children's church. Still feeling wrecked, I set aside the stings of my heart in order to share the love of Jesus that still gripped me deeply. One little girl and I have one of those kid bonds that just happen, and you just end up together all the time. I think it has to do with our similar sassy and stubborn personalities... and love of cowboy boots! When it was time to break into our small groups and work on our activity, she was determined to bring a different chair to the table. I directed her to one of the many empty chairs already at the table. She instantly started crying and screaming. I needed to get the worksheet out to the other kids, who sat patiently (-ish). I said, "I understand you are upset, and you just want to scream. You can do that over here while I help the other kids. Then we can talk." I don't know how much English she knows... but I am sure her next action had nothing to do with a language barrier, and rather her stubbornness. She ran straight back to the chair she so desperately wanted to cram at the table. I pulled her back away. And quickly gave the worksheet to the other children. She screamed and cried. She saw me stopping her from what she wanted to do. I saw one more chair over crowding a table, filled with kids working diligently on their work, and feared an extra chair would simply cause fights. I also saw the three other empty chairs at another table, which I knew would break up the classroom and make it more manageable. Finally, I grabbed her to try and comfort her. She was so upset, she held my neck so tightly I didn't think she would ever let go! She continued to cry, allowing nothing more than my arms around her to comfort her. Soon, her body relaxed, and she almost fell completely asleep. As I held onto her, Jesus finally responded to my own temper tantrum, "Maybe," He spoke gently to my heart, "just like this little one, you cannot see what I see. You are so determined to have your way, but I see the whole picture, and you will too, very soon. So, rest in Me, My child." Leave it to Jesus to relate me to a screaming two year old, and remind me of His love and grace...
Church ended. Children returned to their parents. I headed out to my car. Oh, but the night was not over. I was heading over to a friend's for a get together with some of my co-workers, and just another piece to the lesson Jesus taught me. I knew after my little tantrum, I owed Him some real worship! So, I played "Beautiful Things" by Gungor and sang out "you make me new, you are making in me new" knowing every word was the truth. He continues to make me new, and I never want it to stop! My attitude changed by the time I reached my friend's (even if I did get lost in the dark on snowy roads). My friend had a going away gift for me, which was the icing of this lesson Jesus taught. It was a bracelet that says, "When life gets too hard to stand, kneel and pray"
But with my family, we sang a song completely opposite of the song that brought me comfort. I could not bring myself to sing the words, "I don't mind waiting on you, Lord". Instead of singing along (in English! What a treat for me), I held a bit of a temper tantrum with Jesus, "Oh yes I do mind waiting!!" I sassed my sassiest to the One who created it all, "I have waited longer than I can take! I have done all I can think of, trying to get all my funds together in order to bring the gospel to the Karimojong! Would you mind explaining to me WHY I should have to wait LONGER?! Forget about me, why is that fair to the people I am going to minister to? Why can't we sing that (very secular, not Jesus) song that brought me the comfort??!" ... I am so thankful Jesus is patient through my frustrations, allowing me to throw my tantrums and waits for me to come back to my senses.
After worship, I assisted in the herding of twenty plus kiddos upstairs for children's church. Still feeling wrecked, I set aside the stings of my heart in order to share the love of Jesus that still gripped me deeply. One little girl and I have one of those kid bonds that just happen, and you just end up together all the time. I think it has to do with our similar sassy and stubborn personalities... and love of cowboy boots! When it was time to break into our small groups and work on our activity, she was determined to bring a different chair to the table. I directed her to one of the many empty chairs already at the table. She instantly started crying and screaming. I needed to get the worksheet out to the other kids, who sat patiently (-ish). I said, "I understand you are upset, and you just want to scream. You can do that over here while I help the other kids. Then we can talk." I don't know how much English she knows... but I am sure her next action had nothing to do with a language barrier, and rather her stubbornness. She ran straight back to the chair she so desperately wanted to cram at the table. I pulled her back away. And quickly gave the worksheet to the other children. She screamed and cried. She saw me stopping her from what she wanted to do. I saw one more chair over crowding a table, filled with kids working diligently on their work, and feared an extra chair would simply cause fights. I also saw the three other empty chairs at another table, which I knew would break up the classroom and make it more manageable. Finally, I grabbed her to try and comfort her. She was so upset, she held my neck so tightly I didn't think she would ever let go! She continued to cry, allowing nothing more than my arms around her to comfort her. Soon, her body relaxed, and she almost fell completely asleep. As I held onto her, Jesus finally responded to my own temper tantrum, "Maybe," He spoke gently to my heart, "just like this little one, you cannot see what I see. You are so determined to have your way, but I see the whole picture, and you will too, very soon. So, rest in Me, My child." Leave it to Jesus to relate me to a screaming two year old, and remind me of His love and grace...
Church ended. Children returned to their parents. I headed out to my car. Oh, but the night was not over. I was heading over to a friend's for a get together with some of my co-workers, and just another piece to the lesson Jesus taught me. I knew after my little tantrum, I owed Him some real worship! So, I played "Beautiful Things" by Gungor and sang out "you make me new, you are making in me new" knowing every word was the truth. He continues to make me new, and I never want it to stop! My attitude changed by the time I reached my friend's (even if I did get lost in the dark on snowy roads). My friend had a going away gift for me, which was the icing of this lesson Jesus taught. It was a bracelet that says, "When life gets too hard to stand, kneel and pray"
Here, Jesus gave me something tangible as a reminder of where to turn when I am anxious. Anxieties and frustrations are a part of our human, sinful, nature. But praise Jesus! Because as His followers, we do not have to do this alone! We have access to Him who calmed the sea by the word of His mouth. We hold the Hand of the One who sees our entire situation. He may allow us to scream and kick for a moment, but still knows what is best for us, and guides us to such things.
My financial deadline is still only days away, and I question every moment whether I will achieve my goal. However, I will take my reminder, as I continue to wait on the Lord. I do not wish to say I will wait patiently, because this lesson happened less than twenty-four hours ago, and I'm sure next time I am to sing "I don't mind waiting," I may feel equally two-ish as I did last night. I thank the Lord for His patience for me. I thank God for His guidance, and the lessons He teaches through life situations, and the silly little songs He brings into my life.
Mary, this is a precious lesson, although very difficult! God has His reasons but you can be sure they are for YOUR good... Possibly SAFETY?? Only He knows now, but maybe you will soon!
ReplyDeleteLove & Prayers, Linda "Lyn"