Every Fleeting Moment

I joined a huddle of friends in time to hear the words, "she didn't make it," followed by gasps, tears, questions, and heart break. As I quickly catch up to what is happening, my heart shatters along with everyone else. A dear woman (one which impacted all that gathered) was in a car accident. She didn't make it. Can this be real?

Death brings such a flood of emotions. A sudden death, as with my friend, starts with denial. "No! This can't be. There has to be a mistake, and any minute, my phone will go off with a text asking me to babysit. And this sinking feeling of my heart will pass with a sigh of relief!" Then when all the doubts have been stomped out and reality sets in, memories, questions, and hurt flood the heart. This is where I stand at this very moment. Maybe I should not write in such a raw state. But this is where I heal. Maybe a blog shouldn't be for healing, yet here we are. 

My friend has two sweet boys. They mean the world to me. We have had dance parties, races, baseball games, Frisbee fiascoes, and dress-up parties. They are captivated with stories of Africa, and are confident that "Miss Mary will still babysit us when she moves to Africa!" If only I could make that happen. The younger one even proposed to me!... For more cereal, but I will take what I can get! Their world will never be the same. 

My friend has been a fighter for my cause! So clearly I remember the night she discovered my love for Uganda. I was just about to leave for Georgia, where I would be accepted to AIM and placed on the Karimojong team. We talked about it until two in the morning, and she was SET to make sure I went. I am 95% sure had I not been accepted, she would have called AIM and told them they were wrong! She quickly became an advocate in my fundraising. I have two people on my team because of her. She constantly checked in, rejoicing in times of celebration and mourning in the difficult times. Very few have fought harder than she to get me to the Karimojong. We spoke of bringing her family out to Uganda to see the work. Several people have made casual conversation of doing just that, but I know will never actually make it. But oh, I know this friend was different. And as realize this will now never happen, I weep. 

"And those who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord." -- 1 Thessalonians 4:17

Yes, my heart breaks. Today I have questioned why God would take a mother of two young children. I regret not being more thankful for her support, and for allowing her to just brush it off -- I wish I would have made it so perfectly clear how much I appreciated her. But I cling to my hope in Christ, as it was also hers! Oh, she loved Jesus. We had several late night conversations, and they quickly turned to Uganda, which quickly turned to God. I cling to this promise in 1 Thessalonians tonight. And I will do what I can to make sure those boys know that same hope. My friend always said my setbacks were for a reason. Two separate times, she looked me straight in the eye, and said, "Mary, this is why God kept you here for this moment." Tonight, I think of her family and say, "God kept me here to love on these people."
Every moment is fleeting. I heard so many times today, "You never know what day will be your last," and how true that is. I know several people who have been shaken by such a reality today, and we all feel broken. But so much more are those days not lived. We breath, we exist, but we let moments worth living pass by. A chance to love others, go on the adventure, or live our passion are missed because we choose to let them slip away, "there is always tomorrow." So easily, "tomorrow" turns to "eventually" and finally we miss our chance. How I pray I never miss a chance to love!
My friend lived! In the few years I knew her, I saw her zeal for life and love for people. Today reaffirmed the lessons she taught me, as I saw so many broken hearts around me -- hearts impacted as I was. I am thankful for her example. I am thankful for her.