Skip to main content

The Struggle

Life is a fact. We have life in our bones. We breath. Our hearts continue to beat. We are able to think and problem solve. We witness these things simply by existing. Along with the mechanical part of life, we also witness the emotions. We find joy in friendships. We find love amongst each other. We suffer. We cry. We laugh. We persevere. All these things mix together to produce life.
So many times, the lies of this world feed into our heads, which either cause us to fight or give up all hope. I cannot list the amount of times people hear I am only 22, and proceed to point their finger at me. They say I have absolutely no qualifications, and that I am just trying to make myself look good by working for “those poor kids of Uganda.” Apart of me always listens to the accusations. They are right. I am young, and plenty more people have proper qualifications. However, I am not here to make myself look better than anyone else. I constantly fight the lies of the world. Government officials will show up out of nowhere at the house, where they start questioning my administration background. They hear my age, and automatically start yelling at me. It is a constant battle. It is one I sometimes wish I would let go of my stubborn ways, and just go home.
Moments in life make us feel like giving up. Sorrow crushes down on us, as we endure the pain that exists in this world. As Christians, we fight a world so different than how we are suppose to live. This brings opposition around every corner. Most battles break the heart into a thousand pieces. Sometimes, the best option looks like giving up. That is what ministering in Uganda feels like on a common day. My heart breaks on a regular basis. I am crushed as I watch families I pour so much into be filled with so much anger, they begin to question their faith. What is the point of moving forward? I cry every time I witness one of our children struggle with issues of their past. As they seek love from the wrong places. As they commit crimes that got them in such trouble before their life at Redeemer House. The issues I cannot relate to, even in the slightest. My heart shatters into a million pieces, and I question if I am truly following the call God placed on my life. Baring the burdens of my Ugandan friends crushes me. They share their struggles with poverty, violence, and death. Most do not wish I snap my fingers and make it better. They simply are grateful for a listening ear, but the weight of their struggles are so painful I begin to let go.
Life on this earth brings pain and sorrow. But just for a moment. I think of Paul and Silas in the Philippian jail. They were stripped of all dignity. They were beaten for their faith, and thrown in prison. Yet they sang praises to God. Later, God brought His grace to a new brother in Christ. The pain they endured brought glory to God. Our pain is for a moment. Christ is forever. There will come a day where there is no more pain and no more tears. On that day, we will witness the full glory of God. We will see His goodness, and live in His joy for the rest of eternity. That is the hope which pushes me forward. Even as I feel my heart ripped out of my chest, I will continue to pour love and hope into those around me. I want all those I have met on this earth to be with me, as we soak in the grace of my Savior. I never want to give up hope in people just because they break my heart. I want them to find the same hope I found, and I will earnestly pull them along.

My Jesus is coming back. In that promise, I will keep marching forward. No matter the heart break that comes my way; no matter what this life tries to throw at me, I cling to that promise.

Comments

  1. Pain is the reality of life everywhere, because satan is still on the loose, and we live in a fallen, sinful world. It's just so visible in Uganda - the reality is all around you, all the time. And when you are working for Jesus, satan is always attacking - that's how I view those horrid run-ins with government officials and the like. But we hang on to the TRUTH - God is bigger than all the pain, there is hope for healing in Jesus, God wants to demonstrate His love through us, and in the end there is justice for wrong and mercy for the repentant and GOD WINS! So much to keep in perspective, but it is truth! Living in Uganda is hard, but God is there with you and for you, using you to overcome some of the pain of this world. Keep looking up, and keep loving. Praying for you in all the hard times.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are rocking it sister. You are wise beyond your years. Keep on marching forward. It's the tough times that refine us to look more like Him!! Love your heart and your dedication. You have handled all the challenges and changes of this calling better than any older person I know could. I believe MANY times God calls the young people, because they are more courageous and less weighed down by too many life experiences, that may squelch their passion and courage. You are an example and an inspiration to me. Praying for you!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Time I Made My Dog Puke

  Fridays are my day off. They generally consist of me barricading myself inside my compound with my pups. We may do a number of things, but usually it is a whole lot of nothing! As Thursday evening approached, I looked forward to my Friday. Oh, I would nap and maybe binge watch something stupid, but most importantly, never get dressed! This dream crashed when I realized my house was the only one not receiving power. This meant calling the electric company and corralling my enthusiastic lab away from people who are terrified of him. But we did it. This brings us to noon. I still had half the day to relax. I sprawled out on my bed and put on an episode of Psych, one of my favorite shows. I get ten minutes into the episode, when I hear Teddy barking at the gate. He is such a wonderful watchdog. He has different barks that I have learned, which help me to know if I should respond or not. He will give off a warning, but if someone pushes the bounds, he produces a sound so intimidating ...

State of Praise

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice.” Philippians 4:4 reminds us to have a spirit of praise in all circumstances. It does not say to rejoice in the good, when ministry is smooth and all things are going the way you pictured them. Nor does it say to give up in times of struggle. It says to ALWAYS rejoice, to be in a spirit of praise through thick and thin! The past few weeks have been a battle. Living in Uganda means you are surrounded by images of poverty, brokenness, and death on a daily basis. That alone will encourage anyone to lose a spirit of praise. But of course, that is not all I deal with. Lately, it seems like everything is coming down at one time. Dear people in my life are struggling, including people back in the States. These are people who I use to be there to hold a hand through difficult times, and now they are going through something else and I am halfway around the world. A couple have confessed they wished I were there instead, and no matter how much ...

Would You Go With Me?

In 5 short days, I will be heading back to America. I must say, going home proves to be a much larger leap of faith than when I came here to Uganda. I had three weeks to prepare. I knew that God was calling me, so I dropped everything and came. Now, I am returning to basically nothing. Sure, God continues to provide for me, and I know He will continue once I land and jump back into American life. However, I am still nervous. For the past couple months, I have been praying that God would go before me and pave the way. A few days ago, a friend of mine was praying over my return. She prayed that God would not only go before me, but go with me. Those words struck my heart, and I have been mulling over them for the past couple days. I cannot count how many times I have prayed God would move before me -- to work in hearts of those I would be meeting -- to guide me through a new adventure. Yet rarely, if ever, have I prayed that God would go with me, where He should be in the first place. I ...