Skip to main content

The Struggle

Life is a fact. We have life in our bones. We breath. Our hearts continue to beat. We are able to think and problem solve. We witness these things simply by existing. Along with the mechanical part of life, we also witness the emotions. We find joy in friendships. We find love amongst each other. We suffer. We cry. We laugh. We persevere. All these things mix together to produce life.
So many times, the lies of this world feed into our heads, which either cause us to fight or give up all hope. I cannot list the amount of times people hear I am only 22, and proceed to point their finger at me. They say I have absolutely no qualifications, and that I am just trying to make myself look good by working for “those poor kids of Uganda.” Apart of me always listens to the accusations. They are right. I am young, and plenty more people have proper qualifications. However, I am not here to make myself look better than anyone else. I constantly fight the lies of the world. Government officials will show up out of nowhere at the house, where they start questioning my administration background. They hear my age, and automatically start yelling at me. It is a constant battle. It is one I sometimes wish I would let go of my stubborn ways, and just go home.
Moments in life make us feel like giving up. Sorrow crushes down on us, as we endure the pain that exists in this world. As Christians, we fight a world so different than how we are suppose to live. This brings opposition around every corner. Most battles break the heart into a thousand pieces. Sometimes, the best option looks like giving up. That is what ministering in Uganda feels like on a common day. My heart breaks on a regular basis. I am crushed as I watch families I pour so much into be filled with so much anger, they begin to question their faith. What is the point of moving forward? I cry every time I witness one of our children struggle with issues of their past. As they seek love from the wrong places. As they commit crimes that got them in such trouble before their life at Redeemer House. The issues I cannot relate to, even in the slightest. My heart shatters into a million pieces, and I question if I am truly following the call God placed on my life. Baring the burdens of my Ugandan friends crushes me. They share their struggles with poverty, violence, and death. Most do not wish I snap my fingers and make it better. They simply are grateful for a listening ear, but the weight of their struggles are so painful I begin to let go.
Life on this earth brings pain and sorrow. But just for a moment. I think of Paul and Silas in the Philippian jail. They were stripped of all dignity. They were beaten for their faith, and thrown in prison. Yet they sang praises to God. Later, God brought His grace to a new brother in Christ. The pain they endured brought glory to God. Our pain is for a moment. Christ is forever. There will come a day where there is no more pain and no more tears. On that day, we will witness the full glory of God. We will see His goodness, and live in His joy for the rest of eternity. That is the hope which pushes me forward. Even as I feel my heart ripped out of my chest, I will continue to pour love and hope into those around me. I want all those I have met on this earth to be with me, as we soak in the grace of my Savior. I never want to give up hope in people just because they break my heart. I want them to find the same hope I found, and I will earnestly pull them along.

My Jesus is coming back. In that promise, I will keep marching forward. No matter the heart break that comes my way; no matter what this life tries to throw at me, I cling to that promise.

Comments

  1. Pain is the reality of life everywhere, because satan is still on the loose, and we live in a fallen, sinful world. It's just so visible in Uganda - the reality is all around you, all the time. And when you are working for Jesus, satan is always attacking - that's how I view those horrid run-ins with government officials and the like. But we hang on to the TRUTH - God is bigger than all the pain, there is hope for healing in Jesus, God wants to demonstrate His love through us, and in the end there is justice for wrong and mercy for the repentant and GOD WINS! So much to keep in perspective, but it is truth! Living in Uganda is hard, but God is there with you and for you, using you to overcome some of the pain of this world. Keep looking up, and keep loving. Praying for you in all the hard times.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are rocking it sister. You are wise beyond your years. Keep on marching forward. It's the tough times that refine us to look more like Him!! Love your heart and your dedication. You have handled all the challenges and changes of this calling better than any older person I know could. I believe MANY times God calls the young people, because they are more courageous and less weighed down by too many life experiences, that may squelch their passion and courage. You are an example and an inspiration to me. Praying for you!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Encouragement

I am overwhelmed with the reactions of people who hear about my heart for missions, and my upcoming opportunity to work with Redeemer House Orphanage. All warm my heart, and fill my soul with joy. Most reactions are filled with squeals of joy, tears, and enormous hugs. I hold them deep in my heart, and I am blessed. When I first was wrestling with the idea of applying for this position, I took a day trip to my home church in Powell Butte, Oregon. I did not share with many about what I was praying about because I didn't want to make a great big scene, and then not follow through. I hope that church will be behind me through whatever missions I do, but something in me told me to wait to share with everyone. I did share with some, and when I did, each one was ecstatic for me! Each one encouraged me to pursue this route, because if God wants me there He will open the door, and if He doesn't then He will close it, but let Him do it. Their words of encouragement blessed me more than...

Emboko

Here is a Luganda lesson. In fact, this was one of the first words I learned (first in the few that I know...). Emboko. Emboko means 'beautiful'. So many times, the children will be going around saying, “You are emboko!” And then they will go to each person, and state that they are “Emboko”. Talk about a confidence boost! Not only is it encouraging, but they say it with all sincerity! Over the past few days, we had a large team of Americans here at Redeemer House. I will be honest... I was nervous at first to have so many adults around. I have a tendency to shut down in large crowds of adults. I am so much better with large groups of kids. But these guys bonded with the kids quickly! And I felt like my personality fit in some way with all of theirs, making it easy to stay connected. Friendships were made, and relationships were established. I believe they will last a lifetime. One night, we were waiting for the team to come and join us in prayer. The kids kept coming to me,...

25 Years of Broken Dreams (Although This Is An Uplifting Post)

On my twenty-fifth birthday, I looked back on a high school goal of mine. In one of my classes, we had to make those “by this point in my life I will (fill in the blank)” and make tangible goals to reach the dream. Mine? By age twenty-five, I would own my own hair salon in Newport, Oregon. My plan was to move to the Coast and have my hair license by age twenty so I could begin building a clientele that would sustain my own salon, as I saved to make this dream possible. This July, I hit that birthday. Let me tell you, not a single one of those goals or ambitions were accomplished! Yet, not a single part of me regrets not following my dream. First of all, it was my stubborn personality that kept that dream going for so long. The dream really should have stated, “Prove to others I can do what they said I couldn’t” because if I were to boil down a very long story, that was at the heart of this dream. I pretty much refuse to spend more than five minutes on my own hair. I don’t know what ...