My Plan VS God's Plan

My Plan (High School Edition): When it came to actual high school, I just needed to survive. Sure, I had a good time! I had friends and enjoyed myself, but I was so different from anyone I knew. I traveled the world and never shut up about Jesus. My plans were to make the best grades I could, and prepare to attend a beauty college with the hopes of one day opening my own hair salon. This was my life, and I wanted nothing more. I remember being a Senior and suddenly having doubts over my plans. I always wanted to be a hair dresser, and I knew that was what I was SUPPOSE to do! I sat next to my good friend Kayla in class one day, and I remember turning to her and confessing my sudden urge to change my life. She always wanted to go to Arizona State and become a special education teacher. When I confessed my doubts, she shared my same feelings. We sat there and talked each other out of such ridiculous thoughts.

God's Plan: I was to go to Uganda right after graduation for a month. My heart was to be shattered into a million pieces! There He would open my eyes to so much more. He would open my eyes as I stared into the mirror, and He would show me how I do not fit into the model I made for myself. I am not one to spend a great deal of care on looks. I always have a five minute hairdo, and go absolutely crazy spending any more amount of time on it. He would show me that my life would be dedicated to people completely different from myself, and there is where I would finally feel like I belonged. He would open my eyes to people in need of the love found in Christ. I could bring that love to those who needed it. Maybe my plan was crazy after all! Maybe I was made for something more than a hair dresser.

My Plan (College Edition): After realizing that my dream of being a hair dresser was crazy, I began looking toward college. Let me first explain: I do not think being a hair dresser is crazy. I know many who have been called by God to make a wonderful ministry out of their work. I respect these women, and pray for them! However, me being a hair dresser is an insane idea! I am truly not cut out for it (no pun intended). Okay, back on track. I found Boise Bible College. They had a wonderful mission program, and my plan was to get my Bachelor's Degree in missions. My plan was to somehow make a connection with an amazing organization that worked in Uganda. I planned on doing some kind of women's ministry because I saw it so lacking on my first trip. I didn't know how any of this would happen, but believed God was big enough to make some kind of miraculous connection to some big organization. Although I loved working with kids, I felt like God was not calling me to work with them forever. He had something bigger... or maybe I was just proving to myself that I could do something other than kid work. While at BBC, get a better understanding of mission work, and figure out what good strategies are. Make mission connections, and begin building a network.

God's Plan: Yes! Go to BBC! I was to dive so deep into Scripture I was to lose apart of who I am. Everything I ever knew about missions was to be blown out of the water, and my love for bringing the gospel to the nations was to deepen. Yes, I was to start building a network of support, but no where near how I pictured. I was to meet some of my dearest encouragers, and biggest inspirations. My level of faith would deepen, and my heart would widen for people I never met before. However, finishing school in a smooth four years was out of the question! There would be something more, and I would have to find out for myself as the time came.

My Plan (Bible School Drop-Out Edition): Well. I could no longer afford school, and had to figure out what the heck God was doing with my life. At first, I planned on taking a short time off to get money, and then heading back. Yet I found such a peace after stepping away from school. I was able to focus on Jesus, and study Scripture for myself not for a professor. I started looking for work, and decided that I wasn't going to work with children because that WAS NOT what God was calling me to! Sure, I was great with kids, but I just knew that I would burn out on kids and never want to deal with another one. I landed a job at a hotel. A horrible one, really! I was working grave yard in a shady part of Boise (if there is such thing) and was the only staff on hand all night long. However, I was able to prove to myself I could do something other than kid work. I had multiple guests tell me that I was the only good part of their stay (it was a crappy hotel that was advertised as something great), and on my final week, my boss told the girl I was training I was the best staff he had. In that time, I planned to stay away from school and go to do my own thing. Who needs a degree to share the gospel, right?

God's Plan: Yes, I was to take time off from school. Yes finances was what opened my eyes to this fact. Yes I regained my spiritual life and saw the Bible as my precious Book again. Yes I got a crappy job where I gain experience doing something else. No it was not for any reason I ever imagined. This time was to learn new things, and become fully equipped for what He had next. He kept my mind focused on Uganda. He was about to bring the biggest opportunity I have been offered this point in life, and He wanted to make sure I was ready. He exhausted me in things of America. He reminded me that my life was to be spent elsewhere, and He wanted my full attention when He brought Redeemer House into my life. He broke me down to offer me something I could never turn down. He brought me to an understanding that I COULD do whatever I wished. I COULD work with people other than children, but my heart will always be captured by tiny little hands and squeaky little voices. He offered me a chance to use my horrible experience at a bad hotel for something better. I was able to put order to bookkeeping and use my audit experience for His glory. I was able fall in love with children, and realize kids are my life.

My Plan (Redeemer House Edition): FINALLY I returned to Uganda! I jumped on the plane and hoped to never look back. Sure, I committed a year, but I doubted I would ever return. My motto before I left started, “When and if I return.....” and rapidly turned to “If and when I return...” My coworkers noticed the change, and laughed as they soon realized my heart was to never come back on a permanent basis. I had such a short time to prepare that I really didn't think much or make a bunch of plans, but I believed from the depths of my being that I would be there for life!

God's Plan: To break me even further away from myself. He planned to open my eyes to more than words could ever express. To see my place in a world so lost, and give me a chance to act. He gave me a heart so deep I cannot even imagine going deeper (but I know a few years from now, I will be saying the same words with an even deeper meaning of love). He opened my eyes to a need so great I almost burst with anxiousness to participate. He would give me such wonderful friends and an amazing group of supporters, never leaving me alone in times of struggle. They came alongside me, and I have learned to lean on the prayers and support of others. However, Redeemer House was not “it” for me. He has another plan. I am suppose to return to America once my year is complete. I am suppose to return to school, but still not finish the original plan. I am to return to study counseling, but still with the intent of missions. The mission field needs so much more counseling, and that could bring me all kinds of places.

What is Next?: I have been broken here in Uganda for the children... I have a serious soft spot, and I have no clue what I was ever thinking when I thought I was to do something else with my life. Jinja is overflowing with orphanages! And something God has shown me is a lack of orphan prevention. With such a huge task at hand, I began to pray God would open up one area to my heart. I do not believe in coincidence when it comes to God working in lives. My entire life I have found myself around abused people. Friends and classmates I would just “happen” to take under my wing. Seeing someone being abused, and break down in rage and tears with hopelessness because I was just walking by. I have a heart for those who are abused, and desperately want to see them find comfort in Christ. In Uganda, child abuse is such an issue! So many of the village traditions see child sacrifice as acceptable. Parents were never taught how to care for their child, and will beat them out of frustration and sometimes even boredom. My heart breaks for these children, and I want to see hope restored to the parents. I want to open up two centers. One for children who are victims of abuse. It can be a place where they receive healing, and can move forward with their lives as they learn to be children of God. Another would be for the parents. This would be a place where they can learn to care for their children. They can get counseling and job training. The vision would be to reunite the children with their families if at all possible. Of course I know that would not always be the case, and would be such a long process. However Christ is the ultimate Healer. He could do the miracle to bring them together. I would also love to see a training for couples before they are parents, and train pastors and community leaders to teach their people to be excellent Christian parents.

God's Plan: Right now, I pray that it is this new vision. I want to see this happen so bad, and believe God gives us the desires of our heart when they bring glory to His name. Whether God uses me to make this happen or not, I do not know. However I am ready and willing to take on this challenge. My life is filled with a pattern of my plans being so extremely opposite from God's. I will take His plans for my life any day, but I believe God placed this new vision on my heart for a reason. I could not even tell you how this will work or even when it will happen, but God's timing is perfect and I am ready to listen to His will.